Nov. 26th, 2003

mrbigsteve: (Default)
My eyes are bleary, I'm 4.5 hours away from my latest hotel school deadline and nowhere near where he wants me to be. And yet, there's something entirely unrelated that's bothering me.

After Lisa got back from the event this weekend, we had a bit of a discussion regarding SCA awards. Apparently, folks had been trying to get her an AoA that weekend, but it fell through because they wanted very little court and they wanted it to focus on the local group who had many deserving people. Fine and dandy, she's now apparently been told that things are likely to happen at 12th night (January 3, Niagara Falls area). She also mentioned (with a knowing kind of smirk) that a number of people have been putting me up for an award... a Keystone (for the non-SCA among you, it's a cookie for doing service to the society in general).

Trouble is, I don't want it. At all. And I don't know how to get in and abort the process so as to save the scribes the effort of making a scroll that someone *else* would appreciate, and to save myself from having to explain *why* I don't want that or any other "reward".

I have friends who've worked very hard for what they have. I have other friends who are working intently with their eyes on a prize. I can respect them, but I am also not any of them.

Getting an award does absolutely *dick* for my attitude. Getting it or not getting it won't make me try harder. Getting it or not getting it won't make me try any *less*, either. (Actually, if I'm having a particularly pissy time with it, getting one would likely make me try to do even less so as to drop below anyone's radar) I believe that everyone is entitled to be in the SCA for their own reasons, and my own reasons involve most explicitly *not* being called up into court to get a rock. I *HATE* the concept. *LOATHE* it. Don't want to do it. And yet, when I tried explaining this to Lisa, all she did was snicker.

It's not fun for me. At all.

So how do I get people to actually *listen* to me about this?
mrbigsteve: (Default)
Previous post reviewed: I've now been awake for 27 hours or so. A good chunk of the vitriol in it was based on work frustrations, but yeah, the underlying feelings are still there. Just not quite so violently.

Further update: I've managed to get some sleep. This *definitely* mellowed my opinons. I'm more down to the whole thing being one heck of an annoyance than anything else. I think I just need to work on my "invisible during court" skills, and if they catch me, it's my own damn fault.

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